


Live, Die, Respawn

by BossyCoatrack



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Because come on, Caboose being Caboose, Gen, How Do I Tag, I can't tag for shit, My First Fanfic, O'Mally is not, Respawn Mechanics, Rocks Fall Everyone Dies, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, Video Game Mechanics, and strong, but seriously, can the explanations for this show get anymore convoluted?, cause those two rock, doc is just happy to be here, except for church and tex, he's so precious, i don't think enough people capitalize on that, i honestly have no idea what I'm going to do with Flowers, i'm not sure if there will be any relationships, sarge is crazy, seriously?, sneaky grif, sorry - Freeform, that's a tag? - Freeform, that's what happens, there is so much untapped potential in it, things are getting so off track it makes you wonder if there was even a track to begin with
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-02-14 19:59:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13015080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BossyCoatrack/pseuds/BossyCoatrack
Summary: Turns out the Director had one last contingency plan to protect the Alpha.





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that season 16 has started, this is now officially very very VERY much an AU

It was their own fault really, they knew Chorus was still a dangerous place. Outside of the newly rebuilt Armonia, there were still old, unstable battlegrounds, wild animals, and even some un-captured mercenaries from Charon Inc. running around with a hell of a grudge on their minds. Oddly enough, (or maybe not, with their luck it had probably been guaranteed,) it was a bit of all three that had the Simulation Troopers and their Freelancer allies at the end of their chains.

 "WHERE THE  **HELL** IS CABOOSE!?" Wash cried as he joined Tucker, Grif and Simmons behind the cover of a large rock at the base of the cliff they were pressed against.

 They were cornered, he could see Carolina a few meters away with Doc and Donut in a similar situation. Sarge and Lopez could be spotted on the Warthog a little further down, the one that hadn't been flipped at least, but they weren't leaving, which was touching but rather stupid from a strategy point of view. They surprisingly seemed to be holding their own despite the lack of cover from the rain of bullets, but the Charon mercenaries were closing in on them all, slowly and surely. Their only escape was west, which was currently being stampeded through by a herd of rabbit looking creatures with flat faces and longer legs, and they were also the size of rottweilers, that was also highly off putting.

 "HOW SHOULD I KNOW??" Tucker shot back, glancing over their cover to search for any sign of the tall cobalt captain, "MAYBE HE FOUND AN INTERESTING FLOWER, OR BETTER! MAYBE HE'S BLOWING UP SOME MERCENARIES!"

 "WHO CARES!?" Grif yelled over the two and the gunfire, "JUST FUCKING SHOOT YO- WHAT THE-! KAI! GET THE FUCK UNDER COVER!"

 "THEY'RE TRYING TO EAT ME!" Grif's Sister screamed as she sat halfway on a boulder, kicking at two of the dog-rabbits that had grown curious of her.

 " **WE ARE UNDER FIRE!"** Grif yelled angrily,  **"JUST _SHOOT THEM_ AND _GET DOWN_!"**

"NO WAY!" Sister growled, "THEY ARE  _WAY_ TOO CUTE!"

 "Grif!" Simmons tugged hard on the back of Grif's armor, " _you_ get the fuck down! You're gonna get a bullet through your head and what kinda example is  _that_ gonna set?!"

 Grif looked at Simmons with the kind of look you gave a dog the first time it took a shit on your carpet.

Before a response could be made, a frightfully familiar voice shouted in alarm above them. "OH NO!" Caboose cried, "AGENT WASHING TUB! I BROKE THE MOUNTAIN!!"

 "YOU  _ **WHAT??"**_ Wash screamed, looking up to see many large rocks falling towards them. Fast.

 Beside him, Tucker gaped, "Ah, son of a b-"


	2. Something Old, Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Blood Gulch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You would not believe the amount of times I had to rewrite the bottom half of this because my baby cousin Xed out of the page before I could save it.

 Everything hurts and the world can go die. 

 These were the first thoughts that accumulated in Captain Dexter Grif's mind as he regained consciousness. With his bones aching and his mind pounding like a gong, he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position, and immediately regretted his foolish decision. The world spun on its axis as if for the sole purpose of making him loose his lunch, though he managed to win this battle with his swaying surroundings, he threw off his helmet and fell back on to his backside with a small show of disturbing the dust laying under him.

 He sat and breathed slowly and deeply, his surroundings were quiet other than a faint wind in the trees some ways off. He stared up at the pale blue sky above him and tried to recall why he felt like he'd been run over with a tank... Again.

 He suddenly remembered with a shudder, large rocks descending quickly from a long fall. Caboose had fallen with them, yelling the whole way down, only to stop suddenly as he landed _hard_ on his spine. He remembered Simmons trying to drag him to better cover and getting shot for his troubles. He could hear Donut's screaming when his lower half got crushed, along with most of Doc. He remembered frantically calling for someone to help as he tried desperately to stop the bleeding on Simmons chest, and feeling hot tears track down his face until he couldn't see. He remembered Sarge and Wash shouting something at him, then it all went dark.

 Grif put a hand up in front of his face, mildly surprised to find them clean and free of any evidence that they had, only moments ago, (in his mind,) been covered in his friend's blood. He flinched slightly as he felt something wet touch his ear and realized he was crying again. He wiped the tears away with his palm and carefully rolled over and pushed himself up to his knees.

 He wasn't in the jungles of Chorus, he was in a very dry place, the temperature was rather warm but there was a slight breeze that made it tolerable. No angry mercenaries, no avalanches, no crying dead teammates.

 Had it simply been a bad dream?

 "Grif!" Simmons voice called from behind him, "Grif! Hey, fatass!"

 Grif turned slowly and froze, Simmons was running toward him, but that wasn't what caught his attention. For  _Behind_ Simmons was a small, round, concrete base that the orange soldier hadn't seen in years.

 He looked again at his surroundings and was taken by such a feeling of familiarity that even the dust was exactly as he remembered. He didn't want to believe it, but there was no confusing  _this_ dusty boxed in canyon. 

 No, he still didn't believe it, the last years could not have been a dream, he would never put that much effort into it.

 "Hey," he greeted after letting Simmons help him to his feet, "um, what's up?"  _"and what the fuck is going on? Where **is** everybody?" _ he thought, but wasn't sure how it would sound in words.

 "Uh, gooood..." Simmons responded in an equally unsure air, "um, had a- had a really _weird_ , uh, dream."

 "Yeah, yeah, me too," Grif wanted to tell him about the whole thing, but he also didn't want to sound crazy, "you were there, and the Blues were there..."

 Simmons nodded, "Yeah! And bunch of Freelancers!"

 Grif stopped, "Which ones?"

 Simmons shifted, "Oh, uh, ones we've never met, I think. They were dicks mostly."

  _"WHAT IN RED BLAZES ARE YOU BOYS YAPPIN' ON ABOUT DOWN THERE!?"_ Sarge's voice caught both Reds' attention and they watched him stomp from their base,  _"WHERE ARE THOSE MERCENARY DIRT BAGS? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BLUES?! WHY AREN'T WE ON CHORUS? SIMMONS! FOR GOD'S SAKE! WHY AREN'T YOU BLEEDING OUT AND WHY AREN'T WE **ALL** DEAD BY AVALANCHE?!"_

"Oh thank Christ!" Simmons let out a puff of air, "I thought I'd gone insane!"

 Grif snorted, "Jury's still out on that one," he said, despite thinking the same thing of himself moments ago.

 "Sarge! What happened? The last thing I remember is everyone cornered and I was trying to get Grif-"

 "AND now we're back here!" Grif hurried to cut him off.

 "Yeah," Simmons agreed after a moment, then tapped his chin thoughtfully, "hey, Sarge, where's Lopez and Donut?"

 "Lopez is in the base, but he might be glitching, he hugged me when I found him, that ain't like him at all," Sarge said with a gesture at the structure, "haven't seen Donut anywhere but I'm sure he'll pop up."

 "How can you be so sure?" Simmons asked?

 Sarge paused, "Call it a feeling," he said with a grunt.

 Simmons shrugged, "what about the Blues?"

 Sarge looked over the canyon to where the speck that was Blue Base stood, "One way to find out," he turned back to Red Base, "LOPEZ, MOVE YOUR CAN AND GET THE WARTHOG, WE'RE GOING TO THE BLUES!"

  **"Absolutely not!"** Lopez shouted back,  **"nearly everything bad that's ever happened to us has been because of Blue Team Problems! I'm not losing my head _again_ because  they have another _unbelievably powerful_ enemy gunning for one of them!"**

"NO I DON'T THINK WE'LL NEED ANY HEAVY ARTILLERY" Sarge answered, then thought a moment, "BUT WHY DON'T YOU GRAP SOMETHING THAT  _LOOKS_ DEADLY!"

  **"You are all idiots!"**

"OF COURSE YOU CAN PICK THE MUSIC, LOPEZ, YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEFORE!"

**"I refuse to participate in any more of this bullshit!"**

  **"And I am _this close_ to replacing your armor polish with whatever Donut uses in his mud masks!" **Grif shot back in Spanish.

 Lopez tripped.

 "When did you learn Spanish?" Simmons asked curiously.

 "When I was alone on the moon," Grif said casually.

 "Oh," he paused for a second, watching Lopez stomp back into the base, grumbling about being forgetful and preferring when nobody could understand him, "why?"

 A barrage of volleyballs painted in different shades of red and blue and covered in gold foil assaulted his memory. It was quickly repressed.

 "No reason," he said in the way someone spoke when they were telling a bad lie and knew it, but still held hope that it wouldn't be questioned.

 "Grif!" Sarge shouted, "What is the meaning of this?!"

 "Um... What?" Grif asked in honest confusion.

 "You learned to speak the language Lopez and I can only communicate in!"

 "Sarge, you never understand a thing Lopez says anyway!" Grif tried explaining.

 "IS NOTHING SACRED!" The Colonel continued to wail.

 Lopez drove up beside the Reds and leveled a glare at Grif.

  **"At least tell Simmons to stop crashing the Mongooses."**

 "I think the plural form is Mongeese," he said, sliding into the driver's seat.

 "That is completely wrong," Simmons drawled from beside him.

 "Uh, Simmons," Sarge coughed, tapping his second on the shoulder.

 With Lopez having moved into the Gunner's position, Simmons had moved to shotgun. _Unfortunately_ , Sarge had already taken his usual seat, leading to Simmons _accidentally_ sat on Sarge's lap, with his knees tucked to his chest and his arms _coincidentally_ around Sarge's waist, looking for all like the world's largest and _lankiest_ ten year old.

 "Yes, Sir?" He asked, as if there was nothing unusual about the situation.

 Sarge sighed, gently guiding Simmons off his lap, "Son, why don't you just sit in the back with Lopez?"

 "Oh, okay, Sir," Simmons ran around the front of the Warthog, slowing down to whisper; " _He called me son!" _to Grif at a volume that was not at all appropriate for whispering.

 They were about half way through the canyon with Blue Base in sight when Grif suddenly slammed on the brakes, nearly making Simmons fly over their heads.

 "Grif!" Sarge exclaimed, looking confounded, "Being able to work any mode of transportation you're put in front of so Red Team can travel in style is one of the only things that I don't despise about you! Right in front of being excellent target practice and always keeping us stocked in Strawberry Yoo-Hoos! So what the hell was that!?"

 "Okay, first of all: Fuck you," Grif said.

 Sarge hit him with the butt end of his shotgun, "Try again, soldier," he growled.

  "Fuck you, Sir," he corrected, "and secondly: I keep _all_ the snacks stocked, you're Yoo-Hoos aren't special."

 "Everything except the trail mix," Simmons grumbled.

 "No, I got that too."

 "Taking a one pound bag of M&Ms and throwing in _five peanuts_ is _not_ trail mix."

 Grif decided not to respond to Simmons any further than an eye roll before addressing Sarge again, "And _third_ , just look!"

 "HEY FUCKERS!" Everyone watched Sister approached at top speed, "YOU GUYS COME TO BLUE BASE _RIGHT NOW_!"

 "Whoa, calm down!" Grif hopped out of the Warthog to settle his sister, "what's going on?"

 "Oh, man, things have gotten _crazy_ over there!" Sister started.

  **"You say that like it's ever been sane,"** Lopez said.

 Sister continued, "First, we all woke up after that crazy rock fall, then Doc started acting all weird, _then_ that Blue guy you said turned out to be a computer was there, and **then** -"

 "Computer g- Church!?" Simmons asked, "Church is _alive_!?"

 " _ **Again**_?" Grif said agitatedly.

 "Yeah!" Sister nodded quickly, "and now there's some chick in like, teal, or something armor, and she's pounding down on him!"

 "Who? Carolina?" Sarge asked.

 "Just get in," Grif said, squishing Sister between him and Sarge and peeled off for Blue Base.

 When they reached Blue Base, they could clearly see a soldier in aqua blue armor slamming Church's head into the ground, repeatedly.

 "YOU! INSENSITIVE! SON OF! A! BITCH!" She screeched between the slamming.

 Behind them, Caboose and Doc could be seen hiding in the entrance of the base.

 Sarge vaulted out of the Warthog before it stopped, running to the woman and lifting her off of Church by her waist.

 "Carolina!" Simmons shouted, "Stop hitting Church! Why are you so angry?!"

 "I AM _NOT_ CAROLINA!" She struggled, throwing off her helmet to hit Church again, revealing an unfamiliar and extremely angry dark skinned woman, "LET GO OF ME! YOU BASTARD, YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SHOW UP AGAIN!?"

 "Wait," Grif tilted his head, "who _are_ you?"

 The woman stopped struggling in Sarge's hold and looked at Grif with the same amount of confusion everyone else was giving her.

 "Are you serious?" She said, "Grif, I'm- whoa!" She put her hands to her throat as if it was the first time hearing her own voice, "What th- WHAT THE FUCK!?"

 Church coughed, "Yeah, what, _the fuck_ , Tucker?!?"

 All heads whipped toward Church.

  **"TUCKER!?"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, this is a fem! Tucker fic. For the most part just cause I felt like it, maybe I'll make it so it comes in handy later on, who knows.
> 
> And yeah, I can't speak Spanish and I have a semi-personal dislike of Google translate, so dark text will be Spanish unless stated otherwise or blaringly obvious.
> 
> Constructive criticism is appreciated.


	3. Something Borrowed, Something Fucked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Church is confused, Doc has an excellent memory, and Simmons is the only one rightfully worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is fucking hard.
> 
> I also don't know when it's appropriate to insert dramatic speeches.
> 
> Halp!

 Tucker was in Blue Base, refusing to speak to anyone. This left the Reds and remaining Blues to describe what they knew of the situation to a strangely memory lacking Church, who was being excellently stagnant in his opinion.

 "You're all crazy," he stated flatly.

 "It's true!" Simmons insisted earnestly, "Why would we lie about something like this?"

 "You guys are our enemies!" He said, "why should I believe a thing _you guys_ say!?"

 Simmons spread his arms to the Blue Team in frustration, "But _your_ team is saying the same thing!"

 "My team is a bunch of idiots!" He exclaimed, "they'll believe anything you tell them!" He turned to Sister, "Hey, new girl, the moon is made of cheese."

 "Holy shit, really?!?" She gaped in awe.

 Church turned back at the Reds with a look, "There, see?"

  "Church, we're not your enemies," Simmons said, "we promise. It's all a big secret project that's using us to train Freelancers! There isn't actually a war!"

 Church laughed, "yeah right, did Tucker tell you that? She's been insisting at it for years, she's crazy."

 "Yeah,  _she,_ that's another thing-"

 "It's all true," Sarge said solemnly, "I didn't want to believe it at first either, dirtbag, but eventually the evidence was overwhelming! And even then, I refused to acknowledge it, and that stubborn blindness almost cost me some good men! It was selfish of me, and my need for conflict took over my life because I didn't think I could  _have_ a life without conflict, and I was wrong. Take my advice, boy, accept it now, there's no use living in a fantasy. Especially when reality has some good men who'll be there for you through thick and thin, and all the other bullshit they might have to put up with."

 Simmons sniffled, "oh, Sarge, I had no idea."

 "It's alright Simmons," Sarge said, "just needed to get that off my chest. I know you forgive me."

 Church looked between them, "Am- am I missing something here? What the fuck are you _talking about_!?"

 Grif stepped forward suddenly, glaring at Church, "Wait, the fuck do you mean 'new girl'?"

 "Do I me-" Church scoffed, "because she _just_ fucking _got here_! You just delivered her like she was fucking gift wrapped! What am I supposed to call her?"

 "Um... Kai?" Sister suggested, annoyed, "Or Sister, that's what everyone else fucking calls me."

 "Why would I call you that?"

 "Because she's  _my_ sister," Grif said.

 "Wait, what?!" Church said in surprise, he shook his head, "Gah! You're just trying to confuse me! All of you! Shelia might be broken but we can still take you guys on! Right Caboose?"

 Caboose didn't answer.

 Church looked back at the taller soldier, he was watching the entrance to the Blue Base, shifting his weight back and forth on his feet and clutching his hands together, looking visibility distressed.

 "Caboose?" He asked cautiously.

 Caboose took in a deep breath of air before speaking, like it was talking a lot of effort to speak at all, "I... Have to go... To talk to Tucker... About..." He looked at Church and then back to the Base, "a thing. Goodbye Church, I am... Glad you are alive. I am very happy about that, yes, very happy."

 Without looking at anyone else he walked into the base, looking like he wanted to run but couldn't find a good reason for it and to do so would seem inappropriate.

 Church blinked, "What... The fuck?" His attention snapped back to the Reds, "Did you **_bastards_** do something to him!? Did you use some _weird contraption_ on him?!?" He looked at Doc, "Did- Did _Shelia_ do this to him?! Is whatever's up with _her_ , like, _infect_ him or something!? Is _that_ why everyone is going crazy!?! What the hell is going on!?!?"

 "Wa _iiiiit_ a minute," Doc interjected, looking around, "this seems, _familiar_ , somehow."

 "You're just _noticing_??" Simmons said, "everywhere I _look_ it all looks so surreal. I haven't even _thought_ about this place since Valhalla!"

 "No, no!" He said, growing more excited, "I remember this _exact_  scenario! Well, barring the obvious, but I _know_ this! Shelia was acting strange, so _Church_ asked _me_ to look at her! Then  Sister arrived, and I said I was preparing to give her a physical, then _Tex_ showed up and started shooting at us! Yeah, it's all coming back now!"

 " _Who_ was shooting at us??" Simmons squeaked.

 "You were preparing to what?" Grif asked flatly, lifting his gun at the pacifist.

 Doc took a step back, "Now now, Grif, it's a standard medical procedure that I have to go through with every new member. I've done it to everyone on Blue Team!"

 _"Is that supposed to make me feel better!?"_ Grif fumed.

 "Okay, but seriously, what was that about Tex?"

 "Oh yeah!" Sister chirped, "I remember that day too! You had me take all my clothes off, and checked all my body parts, and your hands were _super_ cold."

 " _EXCUSE ME!?!_ " Grif screeched.

 "It's a standard medical procedure!!" Doc said insistingly, "it's all purely professional, I swear!!"

 "Grif, calm down, please!" Simmons tried.

 "No, Simmons, I will _not_ calm down!" Grif growled, "Seriously is there anyone in this goddamn canyon that hasn't screwed my sister!?!"

 "Well..." Sister thought for a moment, "I never really got around to that pink guy!"

 "And thank _Christ_ for that," Grif said with a sigh of relief.

 "Hey, were _is_ Donut?" Doc asked, looking behind the Reds as if expecting the flamboyant private to pop up behind one of them.

 " _Don't change the fucking subject._"

 "Should we go? She didn't attack our base, did she? Gah! I don't fucking remember!"

 "Shut up Simmons!" Sarge ordered, "Grif! You can shoot Doc later! That is if I don't decide to put a round in you before you get the chance!" He turned back on Church and took a menacing step towards him, "Now  _enough_ of this a'hootin' and a'hollerin'! What we should be focusing on, is that Church has risen from the cyber grave... Again. Congratulations about that by the way."

 " _I. Am not. A fucking. Computer._ " Church said with a scowl, " _ **I**_ am a motherfucking ghost, and _you_ , have all gone crazy from... From whatever's happened to Shelia, probably. Or maybe whatever that ship brought with it. Can..." He turned to Doc, "can ships carry crazy viruses and stuff like that?"

 "Um... Maybe?" Doc said in uncertainly, "wait, do you mean the ship Tex and the alien used to kidnap Junior?"

 "Junior?" Church repeated, then groaned, "oh yeah, Tucker's little abomination. No, that _thing_ is in the base, and it's going to _stay_ there until I figure out how to fix the sights on this goddamn sniper rifle! So I can put a bullet through it's disgusting throat, and Tex isn't even _here_ what the fuck are you talking about??"

 "Yeah, if I remember _you_ correctly? I'm sure it's the _sights_ that are the problem." Simmons snarked.

 "Shut the fuck up crazy Red!" he snapped.

 "Church," Doc said carefully, "do you remember what you said when I told you Tucker was pregnant?"

 Church scoffed, "Of course I do, I said it was impossible because Tucker isn't a-" he cut himself off, looking around at the others, "she isn't- Um..."

 Simmons crossed his arms, "believe us now, douchebag?" He asked.

 "Oookaaaay," Church looked at the expectant helmets facing him, "maybe, _fucking maybe_ , something is up. But you're all still insane."

 "Since when was _that_ what we were arguing about?" Grif asked.

 " _Now_ will you let us talk?" Simmons asked, walking up to the Blue Private, "because we're almost as confused as you are."

 Church grumbled, "Yeah, ok, fine. What's your explanation for this then?"

 "Haven't a goddamn clue!" Sarge roared.

 Church slumped, "are you fucking serious??!" He hissed to himself.

 "First off," Simmons said, "Doc, what were you saying about Tex?"

 "That she took O'Malley and Junior and booked it with some alien?" The medic asked.

 "What!?!" Church yelled, apparently not having heard the first time.

 "No, no," Simmons waved Church off, "before that, what did you say _before_ that?"

 "Oh yeah! When we were introducing Sister to everyone, Tex showed up and started shooting at everything that moved!" Doc informed, "kinda like she's doing right now!"

 "Wait, what?!" Simmons asked, and whipped around to face the black armored Freelancer that had been sneaking into the canyon behind them.

 Agent Texas aimed her gun at the colorful company and cocked it.

 " __Aw, son of a bitch." Grif whimpered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My schedule lasted all of two days before Christmas hulled in its green, red and white ass into town.
> 
> Sry.
> 
> Also round of applause for Doc the Exposition Medic, everyone know where we are now?


	4. Honey, have you seen the AI?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tucker and Caboose talk and Tex is on the hunt for O'Malley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of Caboose angst, warning you now, but it clears up pretty quickly.
> 
> Caboose always gives off that caring little brother vibe doesn't he?

"Hello Tucker!" Caboose waved when he found Tucker in the base, she was sitting against the wall and cradling Junior, who was much smaller than the last time anyone had seen him, in her arms.

 Tucker made an aggressive shushing motion with her finger.

 "Keep it down," she said, gesturing to the parasitic alien she called her son, "he was crying when I found him and I _just_ got him to sleep."

 Caboose nodded his understanding and made a show of tiptoeing his way to Tucker and sitting down next to her. He spread his legs out before him and splayed his hands out on the floor, arching his back to press his head to the wall and stare up at the ceiling. He bit his lip in a thoughtful manner before turning his head slightly to look at Tucker.

 "Tucker?" He asked.

 "Yes, Caboose?" Tucker said with a small sigh.

 "Are you mad at Church?"

 Tucker tilted her head, thinking about how to answer the question in a way the Cobalt soldier would understand, "No Caboose, I'm not mad at Church."

 "You hit him into the ground," he pointed out skeptically.

 "Okay, I was a little mad," Tucker confessed, "but mostly I was... Surprised, and a little frustrated. Because," she laughed bitterly, "I mean, what _is_ this? The _fourth_ time Church has come back from the AI afterlife? I'm starting to think he's just doing it to annoy us now."

 "Church wouldn't do that on purpose," Caboose said with a serious frown, "he's a good friend, he wouldn't do that."

 Tucker decided not to respond.

 "I was surprised too," he continued, "because I said goodbye. Everyone said that Church wasn't coming back this time, and I got to say goodbye, so I was okay with that, but now..." Caboose brought his legs up closer to his chest, and leaned forward to remove his helmet. He held it between his knees and ruffled his squashed down hair, making it stick up in every direction, "I'm happy Church is back, even if he's not remembering right," he sighed.

 "Yeah, me too," Tucker said with a small shrug.

 Caboose paused, chewing on his words as his eyebrows knitted together, "he's not.. going to leave again, is he?"

 Caboose went on when Tucker looked up at him, "because I said goodbye. He wasn't supposed to come back, and I was okay, I figured out how to be okay, but, Tucker? I don't think I can be okay if he leaves again."

  Tucker shifted Junior carefully into one arm without waking him, and placed a hand on Caboose's shoulder.

 "No," she decided, then and there, "Church isn't going anywhere, not this time. I promise," she swore on God's green earth, because Caboose didn't deserve that.

 Caboose nodded. He moved to hold his helmet up to eye level and examined the fishbowl visor that usually covered his face. For a second he seemed lost in thought.

 Tucker turned back to Junior, keeping a firm grip on the Cobalt soldier's arm for comfort. Looking at her son was calming, it had been a long time since she laid eyes on him and even longer since he was small enough to hold. She had hoped to reunite with Junior on Chorus, they'd been sending messages to each other ever since the drama with Temple had subsided, he'd been eager to meet all his new half-brothers and sisters. But this.. this was good too.

 "Tucker," the aqua soldier's thoughts were interrupted by the sudden tremble in Caboose's voice, she turned back to him and saw tears brimming in his eyes as he stared ahead into his own helmet.

 "Caboose?" Tucker shifted closer to him, "Caboose, what's wrong?"

 "Am I a bad teammate?" He asked, sniffing as he looked down at her, he blinked rapidly, allowing tears to slide down his cheeks and out of his vision.

 Tucker almost fell backwards from the question, completely caught off guard, " _What_? No! Caboose, where would you even _get_ that idea?"

 "It was all m- my fault," he said, swallowing back more tears, "on Chorus. I thought, thought I could climb up and get he- help but I... I _messed up,_ and got every- everyone **_dead_**! This always happens, I _always_ mess up!"

 "But we're fine!" Tucker said quickly, trying to calm her large, childlike friend, "And we're not mad, we're just trying to figure out what happened. you didn't do-, well, it wasn't _all_ your fault, there were bad guys too, remember?" 

Caboose choked on another heavy sob.

"It wasn't your fault! And we're fine! Everyone is fine! You saw them all just now, remember?" Tucker wished anyone but her was there right now, even Church, although he was just as likely to fuck this up as she was.

 "Where is Agent Washington and Agent Carolina?" He asked suddenly, his nose had started running, despise his best efforts.

 Tucker's heart caught in her throat. Her mind unwillingly replayed her last memory before waking up in Blood Gulch, that moment of sheer chaos as the world died around them, one teammate at a time. Wash had been doing his best to pull all their assess out of the fire, but half of them were already dead, (or otherwise unresponsive, she thought as she remembered Grif's pointless attempts to revive a clearly dead Simmons.) Tucker had felt a sharp pain in his chest that had been unrelated to the pain that had settled from seeing Caboose's body lying on the rocks, unmoving. He'd been thrown on his back from the force of it and suddenly Wash was above him, yelling something that couldn't be heard over the panic. He'd tried to reach out to him, but his vision was fading fast, along with the pain.

 And then she woke up, with sore pain in a significantly _lower_ place than before, with tears running from her eyes.

 Tucker snapped back to the present when Caboose put both hands on either side of her face, looking concerned. At some point he had stopped crying, although his eyes were still red and puffy. Tucker realized that at some point she had _started_ crying. Caboose took one large hand and wiped it over her cheeks to remove the evidence for her.

 "I don't know," she tried to lie, tried to come up with some vague reassurance, but for some reason felt too tired to really try, "I just don't know."

 Caboose suddenly moved forward, wrapping around Tucker and Junior until they were both enveloped in the large, warm, blue mass that was known as a Caboose Hug.

 "It's okay Tucker," he said through a sniffle, "they'll come back. If you care about them enough, they'll always come back."

 Tucker laughed, sounding a bit hysterical, and wrapped one arm around the back of Caboose's neck in a truly feeble attempt to return the embrace.

 "Thanks Caboose, with you around, I'm sure they will," she said, her voice muffled from her face being buried in his shoulder as they sat, content to be in each other's arms.

 The moment was broken by Junior's loud whining. The infant was apparently displeased with all the jostling that interrupted his nap. Caboose pulled back immediately to allow Tucker to rock him back to sleep.

 "Can I hold him?" He asked sheepishly after the alien quieted down again.

 "Sure," Tucker laughed, and carefully transferred Junior into Caboose's arms, he automatically moved to support the boy's head and held him close to his chest. He snuggled into the hold, looking absurdly tiny in the man's carry.

 "You pretty good with him," Tucker stated.

 He nodded, "Yeah I have a lot of sisters, six of them are litter than me. I got to hold them all!" He said with a proud grin, "I used to help Mom around the house with a bunch of stuff all the time cause Dad traveled a lot for work. I would make funny faces so Mom and my biggest sister, Moxie, could feed my little sisters, and dry the dishes, and help cook dinner,.." he began chewing on his tongue as he listed them off.

 "Sounds like you were a good brother." Tucker said.

 "I was the best!" He agreed, "and my sisters were the _best **sisters** **ever**_! They used to dress me for school and stuff for picture day!"

 "That was nice of them."

 "Yeah, I have pictures, I'll show you some time."

 "Okay."

 Caboose paused, looking over Tucker and squinting, "whenever my sisters weren't happy, I'd say they looked pretty, they always liked when I said they were pretty."

 Tucker nodded absently, "Yeah, girls like that."

 "Hey Tucker?"

 "Yes, Caboose?"

 "You look pretty."

 Tucker laughed so hard she snorted, unfortunately waking Junior again, who was greatly vexed to find he was no longer in his mother's hold, and began struggling and clawing at Caboose's arms to get back to Tucker. He settled down once returned to her, but this time seemed content to just hang off of her neck instead of more sleep.

 With the silence now hanging between them for more than a few seconds, the faint sounds of shouting and gunfire could be heard from outside the base.

 Caboose immediately looked worried, "What is happening?"

 Tucker leaned back and closed her eyes, "I don't know, but I'm sure it's Red Team's turn to handle it."

______________________________________

______________________________________

 "We can't handle this!" Simmons shouted.

 "What the _fuck_ man!? Calm your lady!" Grif yelled angrily at Church.

 "She's not my lady anymore!" Church yelled back, "and no one can calm her, I'm certain that if she's anything less than annoyed, she'll explode!"

 "Must have been one hell of a breakup!" Sarge said conversationally.

 

"Well at least tell that bitch to stop shooting at us!" Grif shouted.

 Church jerked back like he'd been stung, _"_ No way! _You_ tell her! _"_ He snapped.

  _"_ Okay!" Sister shot up from behind her cover, _"HEY! YOU BITCH! STOP FUCKING SHOOTING AT US AND SHIT!"_

  _"Kai_ , get the fuck down!" Grif snarled.

 The shooting stopped.

 "Holly shit!" Simmons exclaimed, looking above his head at the absence of high-speed flying metal projectiles, "did that really work!?"

"She might be out of ammo, hang on," Church glanced over their cover, only to get his body shot off him, "OK, she's still got ammo."

"Astute observation!" Sarge called sarcastically.

 "Shut the fuck up old man," Church grumbled, "I'm gonna get my body back."

 "Don't move!" Tex shouted, jumping over their cover.

 "Well, you don't have to worry about Grif moving," Sarge said, "unless you have apple pie, then he's devilishly swift! I once hid some Oreos as a trap, but the bastard finished the whole plate before I even heard him coming!"

 "Yeah! He used to steal food and stuff from market vendors when we couldn't afford to buy it," Sister said fondly, "he had to learn to be _wicked_ sneaky!"

 "Shut up," Grif ordered, "I have a reputation to uphold as a talentless do-nothing so people won't ask me to do stuff, and you're fucking it up."

 "Tex! Why the fuck are you shooting at us!?" Church exclaimed, shoving passed the Reds to the front of the group.

 Tex pointed her gun in Church's face, "O'Malley isn't in Doc, but he's gotta be somewhere in Blood Gulch. So that means he has to be in one of you."

 "And your great idea to find him was to just shoot at us!?!" Simmons squawked, "you couldn't have just _asked_ if we knew where O'Malley was!?"

 "He could be in any of you," Tex said.

 "Yeah, but he can still only be in _one of us_!" Grif said, "admit it, you just wanted to make a cool entrance, didn't you?"

 Tex shifted, "Shut up."

 "Fucking unbelievable!" Grif yelled.

 Church groaned, "We _know_ about O'Malley! We're on top of the situation!"

 "Great," said Tex, "then were is he?"

 "Oooh oh oh!" Sister jumped with her hand in the air, " _I_ remember this one! The angry little guy was in that really creepy, friendly, Blue guy!"

 Doc perked up, "Yeah! That guy! That..." He put his hands on his hips and tipped his head in an attempt to remember, "Blue... Guy. Yeah, I'm pulling a blank."

 Tex rushed up and lifted Doc up by the front of his armor, "Blue guy. Where? I need you to tell me where!" She demanded.

 Doc flailed his arms like a startled pigeon, "I don't know! Normally I'm really good at this but I don't remember his name!"

 Tex growled and dropped the medic, "Well I guess that narrows it down at least, we know he's in a Blue," she turned to Church, "Has anyone on your team been acting weird?"

 "Haaaave you met my team?" Church asked, "I guess Caboose went wondering into the base earlier, he was acting weird, and Sheila, she's been off lately."

 Tex nodded, "Great, you deal with your tank, I'll go talk to Caboose."

 "Whoa whoa whoa whoa!" Church said, "why do _we_ have to deal with the fucking _tank_?!"

 "Because I don't want to," Tex said with a shrug, then turned to the Reds, "What are you guys still doing here? Waiting to get your assess kicked by me? Get back to your own base, we don't need your "attack strategies" right now."

 "At least we _have_ attack strategies," Simmons whined under his breath.

 "We're not attacking the Blues anymore," Grif said, "we're gonna help."

 "You wanna help?" Tex asked, looking skeptically at Grif, "You specifically? _You_? Grif? Private Grif?"

 "Well, _Private_ Grif wouldn't," Grif shrugged, "because this looks a lot like responsibility, and normally I would want no part in it. Buuuut, the Blues are our friends, you make exceptions for friends."

 "And it's Captain now," Sarge said, "we've been through the wringer since you've been away."

 "What the fuck are they talking about?" Tex asked Church.

 "Yeah, apparently these guys just came back from the future for no apparent reason," Church explained, "so now they're a lot chummy-er"

 "And you believe that?" She asked.

 "Hey, weirder shit has happened," Church defended, "and frankly, I'm too done at this point to question anything. They also think," he chuckled, "that _this_ is all a pretend war to train Freelancers, and that _I_ am an AI program, but that's ridiculous, right?"

 Tex shifted.

 "Tex?" Church asked.

 "Uh, yeah," she said, "ridiculous."

 "OH MY GOD YOU _AGREE_ WITH THEM!?!" Church shrieked hysterically, "I'm not an AI! I'm a ghost! We're _both_ ghosts! Which means if I'm an AI, _you'd_ have to be one too right?"

 "Right..."

 Church freaked, "OH MY GOD, WHAT THE **_FUCK_**!?!?"

 "That tank's starting to look friendlier every second," Grif muttered.

 "Hey guys," Doc said, coming up to the Reds, "I know I asked earlier, but where _is_ Donut?"

 "You know I think this is starting to come back to me too," Simmons said, "when Sister arrived and everything, I think Donut got crushed under her ship!"

 "What?" Said Doc, confused.

 Simmons hummed, ignoring him, "So I guess that would mean he's in the cave system under Blood Gulch. Sarge, you were down there too, remember?"

 "Vaguely," the Colonel grunted, "wasn't that where you and Grif got drugged and captured by that alien and that Blue guy?"

 Grif rubbed his neck with a scowl, "Yeah..."

 "Oh my God!" Simmons cried suddenly, "That's also where Vic's terminal was!"

 "So?" Grif asked.

 " _So_ Vic was the AI that was monitoring everything that happened to us," Simmons explained, "I bet he'd know what happened, and why we're all here again!"

 "Excellent plan, Captain Simmons!" Sarge said proudly, "We'll be able to find Donut _and_ put some reason behind our predicament! Let's go!"

 "What about those two?" Doc gestured to Church and Tex arguing behind them.

 Grif shrugged, "They're grown ups, I'm sure they can work out their own problems."

 Doc watched the argument escalate into threats, "Are you sure?"

 "Alright," Sarge turned to Lopez, who'd been standing ten feet away from them all since Tex arrived, "Hey, Lopez! We're going to search the caves for Donut and try to get some kind of explanation from Vic!"

  **"I don't care!"** the robot shouted,  **"good riddance, don't get killed again!"**

 "You stay here with Tex and Church to make sure they don't kill each other!"

 Lopez was a robot, not a particularly impressive model, he couldn't shoot missiles, or lift ten times his own weight, but still, it was expected that he had a few abilities that were of a higher caliber than humans.

 Such as the speed in which he appeared at Sarge's side.

  **"I'm coming with you."** He stated.

 Grif snorted, "Real nobel, Lopez."

 The robot gave him his best glower.

 "I'll stay!" Sister volunteered.

 "No, no you will not," Grif said immediately.

 "Yes, yes she will," Sarge rebuttaled, "Just stay close to your base, she'll be fine."

 Grif turned to her and pointed at the quarreling ex-couple, "don't go within ten feet of _them_ , don't touch the tank, don't let _Caboose_ touch the tank, and don't be alone with Tucker, I don't care if she doesn't have a dick anymore, I'm confident she'll find a way."

 "Hey, Grif!" Doc called from the rest of the group, which was already moving, "come on, or you'll have to sit in the back!"

 "Why the hell are you coming?" He asked.

 Doc shrugged, "I'm worried about Donut," he said like that was all the explanation needed, "Hey Sarge, are you sure Tex won't notice we're gone?"

 Hysterical screaming could be heard from behind them, along with an extremely loud noise that could only be recognized as shots being fired into the dirt if you'd heard it a hundred times before. Which they had.

 "Fairly sure," Sarge shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((low-key ships Docnut, shhhhhh))
> 
> I love that people are reading this, I've been enjoying your comments so much, even the god awful puns that make me have to put down my phone and leave the room for a while.
> 
> Constructive criticism is appreciated.


	5. Lovers Brawl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, from a pissed off Freelancer's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LATE latelatelatelatelatelatelatelate  
> Late  
> LaTe  
> lATe  
> LATE

Tex hated arguing with Church, he was stubborn at the best of times and at worst, childish and dense. It always ended the same, with her threatening him bodily harm until he backed off and let her win, but apparently he wasn't having it this time around, even as he struggled in the headlock she'd put him in.

 "I want the fucking truth!" He shouted angrily, beating rather uselessly at Tex's shoulder, "why didn't you tell me we were fucking AI!?!"

 "It doesn't matter." Tex growled, struggling to keep her voice from rising, being hotheaded would do nothing for this situation.

 "YES IT FUCKING DOES!" Church hollered, "You knew I wasn't human! you knew _both of us_  weren't human!! and you just- what!? Didn't think it was important or something!?! What the _fuck_!?"

 "Would you have even believed me!?" Tex shouted, "You would've just stuck your head in the sand! Lived even _further_ in denial and hated me!"

 Church scowled, "What the fuck do you care!? You broke up with _me_ , remember!?!"

 "NO! I DON'T FUCKING REMEMBER CAUSE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!" There was a small voice sounding suspiciously like Delta telling her to calm down, that revealing it this way wouldn't help anything, she violently shoved it away, "I WAS NEVER YOUR GODDAMN GIRLFRIEND! WE WERE NEVER GONNA GET MARRIED!"

 Church, for the first time, stopped trying to wriggle his way out of her grip.

 "What?" He asked, confused.

 Tex growled and shoved him down on his ass into the dirt, "None of it's real! The dating, Private Jimmy, all your memories! All of it, _it's all fake as **shit**_!!" She wished she could shove every word she spoke back into her mouth. This wasn't what she wanted, she never meant to tell him!

 Church looked up at her and tilted his head like a confused child, "You're real," he hesitantly insisted.

 " _NO I'M NOT_!" She snarled viciously, stomping away from the dejected looking Blue.

 Tex wanted to hit something, this thought came with the realization that the Reds were no longer around, she'd probably scared them off. Not that she cared, she didn't need them anyway, they'd already told her what she needed, Omega was in someone on Blue Team, and he obviously wasn't a threat while possessing one of _them_. She'd find him, beat him out of whichever idiot he was hiding in, and erase him from existence like she should have done _years_ _ago_.

 Tex didn't buy the Reds' story that they were from the future, she knew how that shit worked, there'd be a duplicate of them walking around wouldn't there? She had to admit, she was shocked they knew about her and Church, but that didn't prove anything, they'd been living with Church for years, even if they were idiots, it had to be said that they were at least smarter than the _typical_ Simulation Trooper. It wasn't all that far fetched that they'd _eventually_ stop buying into the whole ghost thing. 

 Ultimately, they were still the same idiots that she'd met her first day in Blood Gulch, the terrible, lucky, outrageous idiots that have absolutely _not_ grown on her. _At all._

She stomped into the base, passed Sister, who pressed herself against the wall to allow the Freelancer passage. She could hear talking in the main room, guessing it was Tucker and Caboose, the only two who she hadn't seen yet, she didn't bother to hide her approach, or her current foul mood, as she stomped down the hall.

  _"This is going to be quick and simple,"_ she thought as she turned into the room, only to be thrown back and flat into the wall by a ridiculously strong punch to the face.

 Tex slid down the wall and put a hand up to her face, and felt a long crack spiderwebbed across her visor. A blue armored foot stepped down hard in front of her. Following up the appendage brought her face to face with a furious looking, helmetless Caboose.

 "Ca- Caboose?" She asked, slightly dazed.

 Caboose growled with a menace that she hadn't thought possible for the childish soldier.

 He raised another fist and practically snarled down at her,  _ **"I HATE TAXES."**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and slightly angsty and I'm really sorry. I got a bit caught up in the Fake AH Crew fandom and might start something about that in the future. But I'm gonna finish this first, I swear.


	6. Search and Discover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Red's find Donut and other... Associates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know those chapters that don't want to be written? THAT WAS THIS FUCKING CHAPTER. It didn't help that I got a crazy bad fever that lasted weeks. Goddamn

 After all these years the cave system under Blood Gulch still took Simmons by surprise in it's sheer amount of space. Even after the time spent in the New Republic's cave base, this seemed bigger, maybe because it wasn't cluttered with barracks, armories, and a large mess hall, or perhaps because it was just bigger. He stared up into the ceiling, watching warily for any sign of danger. Something was tickling his memory to be on high alert.

 Sarge and Lopez had taken point, both held their weapons at the ready, seemingly getting the same feeling Simmons had. Doc walked briskly behind them, calling out for their missing teammate, all previous attempts to keep him quiet having failed. Simmons took up the rear with Grif, who were watching out for any sign of Vic's computer.

 "This place is just as rank as I remember," Grif said quietly, looking for a distraction from the tense atmosphere.

 Simmons snorted, "Yeah, that's probably from all the years we've been burying our trash it's been all falling down here."

 "Yeah..." Grif said thoughtfully, "It was kinda weird that there was no one to collect that stuff, right?"

 Simmons rolled his eyes, "I don't think a trash pick up is considered mandatory in a war, Grif."

 "I know that," Grif said, "but we're not _actually_ at war, we know that now. But I'm just saying I never really noticed how much Freelancer ignored the hell out of us."

 Simmons turned to Grif, "What do you mean? They had those monthly weapons drops-"

 "Yeah, but that was pretty much _it_ dude!" Grif hissed, spreading his arms out in exasperation, "we went like three years without fucking _water_ for God's sake! They just decided to leave us to completely fend for ourselves!"

 "Well, that's kinda what Freelancer does," Simmons said thoughtfully, "you remember when Carolina told us about what happened to Agent Georgia?"

 Grif flinched, "Yeah, that was sick."

 "Would you ladies quit gossipin'?" Sarge called back to the rear, sounding rather agitated, "we haven't got all day to find Donut, and Wyoming could show up at our base any minute!"

 "Sarge!" Doc pointed excitedly at the Colonel, "You're remembering too!"

 The Red soldier chuckled, "How could I forget? Mowing down that British bastard's clones was the highlight of my week! Aside from shooting Grif."

 "Okay, now _that_ I remember," Simmons said with a smile in his voice.

 Grif snorted, "Yeah, I think that was the first time all of us really kicked ass."

 "Guys?!" An unsure but excited voice called from around a pillar, "Sarge, Doc, is that you?"

 "Donut!" Sarge called, spotting the lightish red soldier and running to meet him, "Good heavens man, where the _hell_ have you been!"

 "I've been looking for all of you guys!" He said, "I woke up in this cave system and I've been trying to find my way out! I've been going _in_ and _out_ of different holes for _hours_! Looking for that one spot that would bring me all the way!"

 "...Sounds... like you had a tough time," Doc said.

 Donut laughed, "Tell me about it! My thighs are all sore!"

 "What?" Grif asked.

 "From walking around everywhere!"

  "Why did you pause there?!" Simmons screeched.

 Donut ignored Simmons destress and ran up to hug Doc, "Hey, Doc! It's good to see you! Man, I was worried that you hadn't survived!"

 Doc laughed with relief, as if he hadn't quite believed Donut was really there until he touched him, "I was just as surprised as you buddy! Guess our luck's still holding out!"

 Donut stepped back to look at the others, "So! Where the hell are we?" He said with a cheerful demeanor, giving a relieved sigh at being reunited with his team again.

 "Blood Gulch," Sarge informed, "we also suspect some form of time travel, as we've run into some acquaintances that are a lot less dead than the last time we saw them."

 "Makes sense." Donut tapped his fingers on his thigh thoughtfully.

 "It does?" Simmons asked, bewildered.

 He nodded, "Oh yeah! It totally explains why I found O'Malley in a guy that wasn't Doc. And the alien. And why Andy's still alive!"

 Simmons gaped, "You _found_ O'Malley?!"

 "Yeah! I was wandering around for an exit, when I heard a familiar evil laugh. At first I thought I'd found Doc, but it turned out to just be some Blue guy, there was an alien with him, and they were using Andy to chat with each other." Donut pointed to a small ditch half hidden behind a large stalagmite, "I managed to jump them by throwing rocks at their heads and knocking them out. They should still be over there."

 "And Andy?" Sarge asked.

 He shrugged, "I left him over there too, he's just as heavy as I remember and I couldn't have him slowing me down while I was looking for you guys!" He looked over his shoulder and shouted, "How is everything Andy?!"

 Andy's voice called back, "The shmucks are still out cold! Jeeze! How hard'd ya hit em!? They haven't even twitched! Hey, who're ya talkin' to?!"

 "I don't suppose you'd know where Vic is?" Sage asked curiously. 

 "Oh sure!" Donut nodded happily, gesturing towards one of the larger structures in the cave, "I mean, I found his computer, I tried talking to him but he wouldn't show up."

 Sage grunted, turning to face all of his team, "I wouldn't worry about it. I've got a plan!"

 A groan caught everyone's attention. Looking back they saw a man in regulation Blue armor looking at them.

 "Andy! What did I tell you!?" Donut cried at the ditch, sounding hurt.

 "Oh yea', Blue guy's up!"

 "Well," he said cheerfully, despite the circumstances, "If it isn't my old rivals, the Reds! How are you fellas doing on this fine..." he looked around the cave, "I'm going to assume day?"

 The Reds glanced around at each other, looking for some kind of answer amongst each other.

 Finally Grif spoke up, "Dude, do we know you?"

 The Blue soldier studied Grif carefully for a moment, lasting just long enough to put the orange soldier on the verge of uncomfortable, "Well, of course you know me Private Grif! It's good ol' Captain Flowers! From Blue Team!"

 "Flowers, Flowers, Flowers..." Simmons mumbled to himself before shrugging, "Sorry not ringing a bell."

 "Yeah, I'm pretty sure we'd remember you," Grif said.

 "Really?" Apparently Flowers asked, looking baffled, "Red Sargent-"

 "Colonel!" Sarge corrected swiftly.

 Flowers stared blankly for a moment before continuing on, "Surely _you_ remember me! You used to threaten me all the time!"

 Grif scoffed, "So? He threatens me all the too and still forgets my name from time to time."

 "Can it, Gruff!" Sarge yelled before turning to Doc, "What about you, Doc? You ever seen this dirtbag before?"

 Doc shook his head, "Nope! Can't remember a thing!" He said cheerfully.

 "Then why do you sound so happy?" Simmons asked.

 "I'm just glad I'm not the one no one remembers for once!"

 "Wait, didn't you say that O'Mally was in a this guy?" Grif asked.

 Donut looked Flowers up and down, then nodded, "Yep!"

 "Hey, Flowers!" Grif yelled.

 "Yes Private-"

 "Captain."

 "..."

 "Yes, Private Grif?" Flowers asked.

 "Are you possessed by a really annoying and I guess kinda evil AI called O'Mally?"

 Flowers gave himself a once over, "Don't think so chap! I've never come across any AI named O'Mally!"

 The Reds scooted closer to each other.

 "We buying this?" Grif asked.

 "I don't know," Simmons hummed thoughtfully, "It's been a while, _and_ he was knocked unconscious. If O'Mally was in him, he might not be anymore."

 "I vote we shoot him anyway," Sarge said, cocking his shotgun for emphasis, "just to be on the safe side."

 "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Sarge. Even if he doesn't have O'Mally, he really creeps me out." Grif looked over his shoulder at Flowers, who was staring intently at him, he shivered.

 "Oh, come on Grif!" Donut said, "he seems like a nice guy! He could even end up being a really good friend!"

 "Yeah? Well if I remember correctly, all the guys we've met who seemed "nice", actually turned out to be evil assholes, and all the people who're _actually_  our friends have tried to kill us at least once!"

 Meanwhile, Flowers stood off to the side, a dark aura surrounding him. He gave an evil cackle,  **"Yes, talk amongst yourselves while I geniously meld into your pack like a wolf in sheep's clothing! MWAAH HAHAHA!"**

 "Umm..."

 O'Mally turned to see Doc standing not five feet away, looking awkward. He also noticed that Red Team was looking at him as well, apparently having caught most, if not all of his little speach.

 "GET HIM!" Donut cried.

  **"Oh** **shit."** O'Mally managed to say before he was mobbed by the Reds and Doc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be longer, but it's been so long since I updated I couldn't wait anymore.
> 
> BTW, my Tumblr is @bc-rack if anyone wants to see more rvb stuff I like.


	7. Blue Team Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caboose is a sleep fighter, who knew?
> 
> And we finally know why they're back here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is so much shit crammed into this chapter. And it was gonna be LONGER, can you fucking believe that!?!?

_Previously_

_"Ca- Caboose?" Tex asked, slightly dazed._

_Caboose growled with a menace that she hadn't thought possible for the childish soldier._

_He raised another fist and practically snarled down at her, **"I HATE TAXES."**_

* * *

* * *

* * *

 Caboose charged at Tex like a bull, the Freelancer barely rolling out of the way in time. When he hit the wall, his fist went through it like it was made of cardboard. He looked at Tex and growled in a way that reminded her eerily of a certain white and orange armored ex-teammate.

 "Caboose?" Tex asked again, backing slowly away from him, "Can you hear me? Is it O'Mally?"

 " **O'MALLY TAUGHT ME TO BE MEAN,"** Caboose said, his voice several octaves lower than she'd even heard before,  **"YOU HURT CAROLINA!"** He tried to rush Tex again, only to be halted by his own hand, which was still imbedded at elbow length into the wall.

 "Carolina?" Tex caught the name and repeated it curiously, she edged closer to the bigger soldier, keeping her arms up and ready to defend, "When did you know Carolina?"

 "Caboose?!" Another voice drew part of Tex's attention away from the big, normally happy man trying to kill her, and saw Tucker rush out of the room.

 Tex moved to push her back into the room with Junior, "Stay back! He's possessed by O'Mally!"

 "No! He's having a nightmare!" Tucker tried to shove her way past the Freelancer, "Caboose! Wake up, you'll destroy the base!"

 "He's doing this in his _sleep_!?" Tex screamed.

 Caboose finally managed to free his hand from the wall and began stomping towards Tex. His eyes were glazed over as he stared angrily at the black figure in his sight.

 Tex's vision was distorted by her cracked helmet, making it seem like she was looking at the world through a broken mirror. She could see Caboose coming at her but couldn't tell where exactly he was, she made an educated guess tried to sweep his legs out from under him. She missed, only succeeding in making him stumble a bit before he spun around and charged again. He was too close to counter this time, so she widened her stance and braised for impact.

 Caboose collided with Tex's chest, lifting her off the ground and kept running, past Sister (who quickly re-spread against the wall) and out of the base, and directly towards a moping Church.

 "Church!" Tex yelled in warning, and pushed up on Caboose's shoulders, giving her the leverage she needed to flipped herself over his back and wrap her arms around his legs, effectively tripping the Blue soldier up.

 The move sent Caboose crashing into the ground face first, creating a a ditch behind him as his own momentum sent him forward for a few more feet, stopping right in front of Church, who hadn't bothered moving.

 "Jesus Christ!" Church exclaimed, looking to Tex, "What the hell did you do to Caboose!?"

 Tex shot up to look at him and growled, " _Are you kidding me_?" Before a strong upper cut sent her flying into the air.

 "Oh  _FUCK!_ " Church jumped forward to grab at Caboose's waist, "Rookie! Stop!"

 Caboose halted, relaxing in his grip and turned, blinking sleepily down at him.

 "Church!" he exclaimed, a big grin stretching across his face, "I did not know it was hug time!"

 "Wait, no..."

 Caboose leaned down to grip Church as tightly as he could, lifting him in the air.

 "Caboose!~" Church grit through his teeth as the air was squeezed out of him like he was being coiled by two pythons, "~Caboose... You're breaking~. Jesus _Christ_!" He shouted as he felt the metal on his armor begin to bend inwards.

 "Tex!" Tucker's voice shouted behind them, "Tex! Don't kill him! TE- Where the fuck is she!?" Tucker stepped up to the two, Sister following behind with Junior perched on her shoulders.

 " _He-el-lp_." Church wheezed.

 Tucker shrugged, "He had a nightmare, you know how clingy he gets."

 " _TUCk~kerrrr_!"

  "Fucking fine. Yo, Caboose, you're gonna crush Church!"

 Caboose reluctantly released the Blue privet, "Where did Agent Texas go?"

 Sister shrugged, "I don't fucking know, has anyone seen my bro?"

 "I think Tex chased all the Reds off earlier," Church said, "Something about time travel. I-"

 Church was cut off by another hug, this time from Tucker, who buried her face into his shoulder.

 "Uuuuuumm..."

 "I'm just... happy to see you," she offered, before stepping back to punch him in the shoulder, "You asshole."

 "You... really came from the future," Church said with an air of realization.

 "Yeah, it was... it's been a long time."

 "And I'm an AI."

 "Yep."

 "You also died to save us," Sister said, "Multiple times!"

 Church shrugged, "Eh, that's pretty common already," He looked at Tucker, "Was it cool?"

 Tucker scoffed, "Pfft, no, you went out like a complete bitch, as always," she grinned, "I, on the other hand, was a total hero!"

 "Bitch, I'm the one who made the fucking ultimate sacrifice!"

 "You're being over-dramatic."

 "I fucking _died_!!"

 "You died a little, you got better."

 The two of them were suddenly swept up with Sister and Junior in a huge group hug, "Everyone is happy and that makes me happy!"

 "AAH! Caboose! Ground!" Church screamed, his legs kicking in the air.

 Caboose settled them all back on the dirt and smiled, "Blue team is back together again!" he looked around, scratching his head, "Everyone but Church's mean girlfriend, where is she?"

 Tucker looked around, "Umm, I don't know. Jesus, Caboose, did you hit her out of the damn canyon?"

 Caboose shrugged.

 Church began looking around, "What did you have a nightmare about? Was it the spikey kittens or the Red Bull?" he looked up, "Oh, son of a bitch."

 Tex fell directly onto Church's head.

 "CHURCH! I FOUND TEX!"

 "Good for you, Caboose~." he groaned.

 "Well, I would really hate to break up such a touching moment," a British accent came from behind them, the Blues turned to see Wyoming, "But, actually no, I really wouldn't."

 "Wyoming!" Tex yelled, "You bastard, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

 Wyoming chuckled, "Oh really? Then why don't you come over here and do it?"

 Tex grunted, straining to stand, "I can't- feel my legs- I think they were damaged."

 "Well, whatever!" Tucker said, grabbing her sword off her hip, "There's still only one of him and five of us!"

 "One of me?" Wyoming asked, "Are you quite sure?"

 The Blue tank pulled up behind him, "What is up, Shiznos?"

"I must thank you for leaving your tank completely unattended, it was laughably easy to download your glitching AI into your ship and replace it with my own." He bragged.

 Church sighed, "God damn it Caboose."

* * *

* * *

**MEANWHILE**

* * *

* * *

  "VIC! OPEN! YOUR! STUPID! SCREEN!" Sarge shouted between smacks to Vic's computer terminal.

 "You keep going Sarge, I'm sure he'll show up this time!" Grif shouted encouragement from his seat on a dirt pile he'd sculpted into something resembling a recliner.

 "Can it Grif! Why don't you make yourself useful for once and check on Doc?"

 "But Simmons' is already doing that!" He whined.

 Sarge cocked his shotgun menacingly, "Unless you wanna help me work through some pent up aggression."

 "..." Grif shared a look with Lopez, who shrugged.

 "I'm gonna check on Doc!"

 "Good idea."

 Grif grumbled to himself as he walked back up the dirt pile to where the other Reds and Flowers were congregated around Doc, who was sitting on the ground.

 "He still there?" he asked.

  **"YOU FOOLS! I WILL MAKE ALL OF YOU CORPSES IN THE GROUND!"** Doc coughed, "Yeah, he's still here."

 "Wow," Simmons said, "What are the odds, O'Mally would jump right out of Flowers and straight into Doc the moment he saw him?"

 "Aww, he must have missed you Doc!" Donut drawled.

  **"I HAD NO SUCH FEELINGS!"** O'Mally snorted,  **"I AM APPALLED TO BE BACK IN THIS WEAK BODY!"**

  "Then why don't you jump into someone else?" Simmons asked.

 O'Mally was silent,  **"None of your damn business."** ****

 "That's so cute!"

 "Hey, Donut, why don't you go take a turn at encouraging Sarge?" Grif suggested.

 "Okay!" Donut ran over to Vic's computer and began shouting, "Harder Sarge! Really fist it!"

 The sound of Sarge's punches became more intense.

 Simmons looked back down at Doc and hummed thoughtfully, "As attached to Doc as O'Mally is-"

  **"I AM NO SUCH THING!"**

 "We really need to make sure he doesn't start host hopping again."

 "We could knock him unconscious," Flowers suggested.

 "Um, I would prefer an option that doesn't include me coming to any physical harm!" Doc said.

 "Well, I'm not really seeing another option," Simmons shrugged.

 "He goes through the radios, doesn't he?" Grif asked, "Can't we just turn it off?"

 "Yeah, we've already turned ours off," Simmons said, "But every time we try to turn Doc's off, O'Mally takes over and turns it back on, so there's no way to be sure he won't jump in someone on Blue Team before we can tell them what's going on."

 "Are you sure there's no way to turn it off manually? Like a way O'Mally can't reactivate it?"

 Simmons looked back at Doc's helmet, examining it closely, "Well, it looks like there's a signal box back here, I think I can unplug it."

 "Well aren't you boys the most ingenuitive ducklings!" Flowers exclaimed, "If we were on the same team, I would bend you over and give you a proper knighting!"

 Grif frowned, "You aren't related to the Donut family are you?"

 "I don't think so."

 Donut's voice came from over the dirt mound, "Come on Sarge! Really give it to him! You're hitting that so hard it's making me sore just watching!"

 "You're positive?" Grif asked.

 Simmons yanked out something on the back of Doc's helmet, a fizzing sound making him jerk backward, "Okay Doc, how's that?

  Doc said something muffled through his helmet.

 "What?" Grif asked.

 Doc offered more muffled words that could not be understood.

 "Uh oh," Simmons looked down at the small device in his hand, "I think i cut out his helmet speaker."

 "Can he access his radio?"

 Doc began speaking again, only stopping when Grif placed a hand on his visor.

 "A shake or a nod will work, dude."

 Doc shook his head.

 "Alright! It worked!"

 Simmons leaned forward curiously, "Hey Doc! Is O'Mally still in your helmet?!"

 A deeper, equally muffled voice began shouting inside the helmet as O'Mally tried to strangle Simmons for a second before Doc could regain control.

 "Damnit! Grif! Simmons! Daisy!" Sarge called irritably, "Get over here!"

  The Flowers and the Troopers hurried back to the metal floor that Vic's computer stood on. They lined up next to Sarge and Lopez to stare up at the blank terminal, with Donut leaning against the side. Sarge glanced at Doc, "O'Mally?" he asked.

 "He can't get out of Doc, Sir!" Simmons said, "We made sure."

 "Well this is a mysterious looking machine," Flowers said, looking around at everyone, "It looks important. Perhaps we should head up to our bases and report it to Command?"

 Grif laughed so hard he snorted, "Oh _god_!"

 Lopez looked Flowers straight in the face,  **"You're a damn idiot. I see why you were sent here with the other idiots."**

 Sarge grunted, "Hnnnm, that ain't a bad idea, Marigold!" 

 The Reds gaped at their commanding officer.

 "You're not just saying that cause I said it was stupid right?" Grif asked, "Please, I thought we were fucking past that!"

 Sarge activated his radio, adjusting as he spoke, "Red Command, come in Red Command. This is Sarge."

 Suddenly, Vic's terminal flashed to life, his awkward human face smiling out at the room. 

  _"_ YO! What is up my Red dudes!? It's Vic at 555-VI- uh..." Vic's face fell into a horrified look as he registered the Reds staring up at him.

 "Oh, h- heeeeeey duderinos!" he laughed nervously, "You've found my...  off sight, ... emergency contact computer!"

 The Sim Troopers remained silent.

  "Heh heh... Yep! This was built in case the Blue army ever took over your base! Those nasty Blues are a crafty bunch, huh?" He scanned over the small crowd, "Like the uh, one you've got with you right now... and Dr. DuFresne, the.. medic that was sent to Blue Base..."

 Doc shouted something no one could understand through his helmet, followed by evil cackling from O'Mally. Everyone else remained silent.

 Vic's gaze lingered on Flowers before addressing all his company, "I can explain."

Sarge held up a hand to stop him, "Vic, we know."

 Vic squinted at them, "Know what?"

 "That this war is pointless." Grif spat.

 "That you've been using us to test equipment!" Donut chirped.

 "That the Red and Blue armies don't exist and we've been duped!" Sarge said.

 "And we know all about Project Freelancer," Simmons added helpfully.

  "Wow. You dudes have been around, huh?" Vic said, "pokin places that don't want to be poked."

 "Actually, we kinda had it shoved in our faces no matter what we did," Grif said with a shrug.

 "Okay, look, I get that you dudes might be feeling a bit... Upset, right about now, but-"

 "Eh, we're over it," Grif said with a shrug.

 "What?!" Flowers jumped back, somehow having moved within grabbing distance of Sarge without anyone noticing.

 "We're not here for any kind of retribution for this outright manipulation and betrayal," Sarge said, "Or the dehumanizing treatment we've been shown."

  **"Not me,"** Lopez snarled,  **"I'm not cool with it at all, you used us all as guinea pigs, I'm pissed, asshole."**

 Vuc raised an eyebrow, "Seriously dude? Cause, not that I'm trying to put myself or my bosses in a bad light here, but you we're treated like crap!" ~~~~

 "Like the fat idiot said, we're over it," Sarge said, "Plus it's not like we didn't already kick your assess a couple times already. I've got all the revenge i need!"

  **"The moment you are no longer of use I'm going to dismantle you. You got us all killed. I had to watch these idiots die! I'm going to fuck you up, asshole."**

 "No what we're here about is the reason we're suddenly back in Blood Gulch with some very dead people who have been miraculously revived after we ourselves should've kicked the bucket!"

 Vic blinked, "You all died? All of you? At the same time?"

 "Relatively," Simmons said with a wave of his hand.

 "Well that sounds a bit like Project Respawn," Vic stated.

 "I'm sorry, project what?" Flowers asked with genuine confusion.

 "Dude! I can't tell you that! It's seriously top secret!"

 "What? Like you can get more in trouble?" Grif asked with a scoff.

 "Come on Vic, we promise not to tell!" Donut said encouragingly.

 "If you don't tell us, well just find out another way," Simmons stated, then added less confidently, "You know, probably, _eventually_."

 Vic sighed, "I guess you dudes are right, but just cause I'm sharing with you doesn't mean you can go blabbing to all your bros, got it?"

 After a collective nod, Vic began.

 "Alrightio dudes, you asked for it. Besides Project Freelancer, Mr. Director had his fingers in multiple other pies, one of which was his secret buddy buddy letters with a certain Chairman Hargrove."

 "We've heard the name before," Sarge growled.

 "Well he and Hargrove were having a bit of relationship trouble during the end of days for Project Freelancer, so to appease the man and keep the funding coming, he proposed a side project within Project Freelancer. A technology that could bring back groups of dead soldiers after they'd fought to the last man. It was called Project Respawn and it was used on the Simulation Troopers, figuring it'd be easier to subdue them if the project got out of control.

 "The first batch was successful! Surprisingly. But it left a toll on the subjects."

Simmons interrupted, "What kind of toll?"

 "Oh I'll show ya!" Vic said, perking up considerably.

 The screen changed to another Sim base in complete chaos, Red and Blue soldiers were running around wildly and screaming, killing each other and then popping back into existence like daisies.

  _"GLoRY To thE BlUe FLaG! I WiLL SlaY mINe EnEmIES in ThY NAme!! HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”_

 The screen went back to showing Vic's face, "So howzit lookin in there? I stopped checkin in on em a few years ago, so I don't have a clue myself, maybe they got better!"

 The Reds stared slack jawed at the screen.

 "Yeah, apparently coming back from the dead and then getting dropped straight back into a war zone can really fuck with your brain chemistry!" he said with a chuckle, "so we when you guys came around, they mixed the tech with Wyoming's time unit, so that at least takes care of the "dropping straight back into a war zone" thing."

 "And that's in us?” Grif said, " _When_ was that put in us?”

 "You all should've had the necessary surgical implants right before you got to your bases, and they were activated a couple hours after."

 " _THEY SAID THEY WERE PUTTING IN A TRACKER IN CASE WE GOT STRANDED!"_ Simmons screeched.

 "They told me they were implanting a bomb that would go off if we were ever captured by the enemy so not to give away secrets!" Sarge said.

 "Told me it was a new experimental skin softening technique!" Donut said, outraged.

 Grif turned to the others, "They told me they were removing a mole, how come you all got cool explanations?"

 "But that doesn't explain why Tucker is suddenly a girl," Simmons pointed out, "what's that about?"

 Vic shrugged, "Projects still gotta few bugs dude! Not all the little pieces are gonna get back together right! Especially people who have gotten down with time travel stuff before."

 "Wait, you mean we could all look different!?” Donut exclaimed.

 Donut ran out of sight, were there was a the sound of a helmet popping off and a shout if "Oh god!"

 He ran back to the others, his helmet back on, "I'm a brunette!”

 "Um... Sorry?" Simmons asked.

 "Sorry? _SORRY!?"_ Donut cried, "This is _fantastic_! I've always wanted to try frosted tips! But we never had any black hair dye! Plenty of bleach though..."

 "A sterile base is an affective base!" Simmons said.

 "Well whatever the fuck, how come Church doesn't remember like we do?" Grif snapped, clearly becoming impatient.

 Vic laughed, "Oh, no way they would hook the Alpha up to that shit dude! It is waaaay too risky! Freelancer isn't just gonna risk it's assets like that!"

  **"Well it's nice to know how high we are on the priority list,"** Lopez snapped,  **"asshole."**

 "Lopez says you're an asshole," Grif said.

  **"Finally! An actual translation!"** Lopez shouted to the heavens.

 "Wait," Simmons asked, "how come the Blues old captain doesn't remember either?”

 Everyone turned to Flowers.

 "It must be another one of those bugs!" He said quickly, "Me not remembering, that is! I must say this is all quite baffling chums! Quite a reveal! We should all go back to our bases and, rethink our decisions in life!"

 "Yeah, we need to tell the Blues about this!" Simmons said.

 "Oh dude, I would  _not_ recommend going there! They're totally getting owned by Agent Wyoming!"

 "What!? How do you know that?" Sarge shouted.

 "Sargio, my dude, it is kind of my, uh, job? I'm always keepin an eye up on you guys! Uh, duuuh!" Vic said, rolling his eyes.

 Vic's screen switched to the grounds outside of Blue Base, where Gamma, inside the tank, was cornering the Blues.

  _"Dude!"_ Sister screamed after a large explosion shook the rock they were hiding behind, _"Fuck._ Off _! Seriously!"_

 " _Trust me, I would love to get as far away from this blasted canyon as I can!"_ Wyoming replied, " _but only after you hand over that child!"_

 " _Suck my dick Wyoming!"_ Tucker yelled, then, after some muttering from Church, corrected herself, " _Suck my non existentent dick Wyoming! You're not touching my fucking kid! I'll rip you apart you bastard!"_

 "Holy shit we have to help them!" Donut cried.

 "Finally! Some good old fashioned brutality!" Sarge said, already heading for the cave exit.

 "W-wait!" Flowers jumped in front of them, spreading his arms to block their path, "This.. _Wyoming_ character, seems awfully dangerous! We should consider our options."

 "Fine, I'll list your options, Lilac," Sarge said, "A; we let Wyoming kill the Blues. A tempting offer.

 "Or B;" he cocked his shotgun, "we kick that fancy accented stick right out of Wyoming's ass. And that's a satisfaction money just can't buy."

 "But what about the rogue AI?!" He said, pointing at Doc, "Surely it's not safe to let him loose on the battlefield!"

 "I could make a virus that would delete him,"  Vic suggested, "Doc would have to stay down here with me so I could analyze O'Mally, but-"

 Flowers glared at the AI's screen.

 "Perfect," Grif said, "Doc, you good to stay down here with Vic while we save the Blues?"

 Doc said something muffled, then, realizing that he could not be understood, offered a thumbs up.

 "Great, let's go," Grif shoved past Flowers and out the cave, "Shotgun!"

 "Shotgun! Fuck!" Simmons took off after Grif with the intention of getting to the Warthog first.

 Flowers stood still, watching the Red Sim. Troopers leave the cave without him.

 He sighed, "Darn" before following.

* * *

* * *

 Tucker was shooting for Wyoming between getting blasted, but she didn't have infinite ammo, "Is there a chance that anyone's going to help me shoot this bastard this time!?"

 "Well this has been a good day!" Church shouted sarcastically over the tank shells exploding against their cover, "just, just _awesome_ really!"

 "You could be useful and fire back!" Tex said, her broken body lying limp in Church's arms.

 "Shut the fuck up! I didn't _have_ to drag your heavy ass behind cover!"

 "Oh please, Caboose did most of the dragging!"

 "I am very sorry for breaking your everything Agent Texas," Caboose said sorrowfully, "I didn't mean to."

 "Blarg!" Junior shouted, trying to run to his mother.

 Sister held the alien tightly to her waist to keep him from running into the fire, "Sit _still_  weird dog, kid thing!"

 "We need to get rid of that tank!" Church hollered.

 "Oh! _Really_!?! I didn't think of that!" Tucker scowled, ducking back behind their rock.

 "We need a distraction or something!" Tex said.

 " A distraction!" Caboose stood up, "I am the best at being a distraction! I am very big and loud and noticable!"

 "No! Caboose! Get down!" Tucker called after the blue soldier as he ran around their cover.

 "Heeeey!" Caboose yelled at Wyoming, catching his attention, "You are being really mean! Stop firing the tank that isn't Sheila anymore so we can kill you!"

 There was a pause where Gamma readjusted his aim, then fired, and Caboose was turned into a bloody spot on the ground.

 "No!" Church screamed, "CABOOSE! NOOO ** _OOOOOO!!"_**

_**"Wyoming!"**_ Church shouted, his voice gaining a static undertone,  ** _"I have had my world shattered, my life twisted, my existence distorted! AND YOU KILLED CABOOSE!"_** He swung his sniper rifle up like a sword " ** _am done with this BULLSHIT!"_** Church fired, the bullet going straight through Wyoming's chest plate.

  ** _"Holy FUCK!"_** He exclaimed as the Freelancer went down,  ** _"Did y_** ou see that?!? I hit him!"

 "Is he dead?" Tucker said, "You better have fucking killed him with that Church, because hesh gonna/

 

 

   


> /////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\/////////////////////////////////////\\\/////////////////////////////////////////\//////////////////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

 /Reset... Everything..."

 "I am very sorry for breaking your everything Agent Texas!" Caboose said, "I didn't mean to!"

 "Goddamnit," Tucker sighed, "Alright! Thirty-Sixth times the charm everybody!"

 "Are you kidding me!?" Church yelled, "Haven't you done this before? How did you do it last time?!"

 "Well  _last time,_ the Reds showed up to save our sorry assess!"

 "Seriously?" Tex chuckled, "Wyoming must be out of practice."

 "When are they gonna show up?!" Church asked.

 "I don't know!" Tucker yelled, "but keep going! We just need to find a way to kill him quickly! Before he can reset!"

 #                  #                    #

 "What if the Reds don't show up!?" Texas shouted.

##

 Tucker responded with an air of confidence, "They will!"

###           ####

 "The Reds are our friends now!" Caboose chirped, "especially Sarge! He knows all my favorite movies, and he taught me how to make my own ice cream, and he lets me push all the buttons..."

 ####                       #           ###########

 Tex sighed, "Look, Tucker, I know you believe in the power of friendship now or whatever, but I have a better plan than just _sitting here_ like- good Lord  _WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!?"_

 ############## _####### **##################** #"Yee-fucking-haw bitches!!_" Grif shouted as he drove the Warthog into fight, plowing into the tank and flipping both vehicles, polka music blasting out of the speakers.

 Tucker looked down at Tex, a smug grin could be sensed through her helmet as she leaned down, "Power. Of. Friendship. Bitch."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: @bossycoatrack
> 
> Twitter: @plethoraofbeans
> 
> Please alert me of any spelling or grammar errors so I can fix them.
> 
> Also share your thoughts, I'd love to know what you think!♥


	8. Black in Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk, jokes, badassery!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ apology for not updating sooner ]
> 
> In other news  
> I GOT TO VISIT ROOSTER TEETH STUDIOS AND I'M FREAKING OUT GUYS! I GOT TO MEET SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME! I GOT TO SIT IN ON A BUNCH OF ART REVIEWS!!!!! I GOT TO OPEN A GODDAMN AHWU!!(#431)!!!!!

 "Did you fucking see that!?" Grif called while pulling Simmons out from under the flipped Warthog, "that was cool as dicks!"

 "Dex!" Sister shouted, plopping Junior into Tucker's arms and running to meet her brother, "that was fucking wild!"

 "Less talk more pull!" Simmons yelled as he was slowly crushed by the Jeep's weight.

 Church groaned, "Ugh, come on Caboose, let's get the fucking Red out from under their stupid car."

_"I AM COMING SIMONS!"_

"Tucker! Watch Tex!" Church ordered before running after Caboose to make sure he didn't accidentally crush Simmons.

 "Why do I have to deal with your bitch!?" Tucker yelled, then after she was ignored, looked down at Tex, who was glowering at her.

 "If I could move, you'd be a stain on the ground by now," she growled.

 "Yeah, well, lucky me then, I guess," Tucker shrugged, sitting down cross-legged so Junior could crawl into her lap.

 There was a moment of awkward silence between them as they watched Caboose flip the upturned Warthog with one hand before Tex spoke up.

 "So Wyoming's dead?"

 Tucker looked over at the bottom half of the white armored Freelancer sticking out from under the tank crash, she could see a pile of blood growing under it.

 She gave a confirming nod, "Looks like it."

 Tex sighed, "Serves the bastard right really," she said, "not to speak ill of the dead or anything."

 "Dude, I speak ill of the dead all the fucking time, there are some real douchebags I know that I have no problem bagging on just because they're dead as fuck."

 "You're an inspiration." Tex said sarcastically, "but how many times did you say he reset the time?"

 Tucker shrugged, "Like over thirty, why?"

 Tex's shoulders stuttered in a way that resembled a shrug, "Dunno, something doesn't feel right. Like it's-"

 "Not over?" Tucker finished, "yeah, I got the same feeling. This has happened before, I know it has, but it just seems... Mild. Like there was supposed to be a bigger fight than this."

 "You think someone else is coming?"

 Tucker looked on at the Reds and Blues congregated at the Warthog, she nodded.

 Tex paused to think before addressing Tucker in a serious tone, "There's an upgrade circuit on my waist."

 Tucker leaned over the Freelancer's body to look, "There sure is," she confirmed with a nod, "that's how you can go ghost right?"

 "Yeah, but it's useless without an AI to manage the subroutines" Tex said, "I want you to take it and hook it up to your own armor."

 Tucker stepped back in surprise, "Whoa, what!? But I'm not a Freelancer!"

 "You have Freelancer issued armor," Tex pointed out, "just without the upgrades. You said yourself, something else is coming, we need to be ready for it. Now take my goddamn upgrade Tucker!"

 "Okay, okay! Geeze," Tucker removed the upgrade and installed it to the same spot on her own armor, she felt the upgrade activate as her armor prickled with electricity, " _Whoa_."

 "Alright," Tex said, and from the tone oof her voice Tucker could tell she was wearing a grimace, "now here comes the tricky part, and I need you to do _exactly_ everything I tell you~"

* * *

 "I can't believe we just took out a Freelancer!" Church exclaimed, looking like he wasn't sure weather to be excited or concerned.

 "Yeah, that's what winning feels like," Grif said, "it can take a while to get used to, I know."

 "So did you figure out the time travel stuff?" Kai asked, looking over the Reds, then stopping when her gaze landed on Flowers, "Oh, hello! I've never seen you before!"

 "Well hello young lady!" Flowers said, "I'm Captain Flowers, leader of the Blue Team!"

 "Wow, you're my boss?" Kai said curiously, "That's hot!"

 Grif immediately planted himself directly between the Captain and his sister, "Oh hey! Time travel! We totally figured that out! Let's talk about that right now, and whatever you were going for  _never!"_ he looked over at Simmons and glared, "Simmons!  _Why don't we talk about time travel!?!"_

Simmons coughed professionally, "Well, according to the information VIC was able to supply us, added with our own experiences with time travel and being brought back from the dead, and of course skipping over the ** _fuck huge_**  improbability factor that any of this makes even a bit of sense-"

 "Like it ever has." Grif snorted.

 "-We can come to the conclusion that we our brains were resurrected back in time in our old bodies by a trigger that was set to go off after the last respawn mechanics we were implanted with deactivated. That's why we're all in our younger bodies instead of bumping into our past selves, we kind of took them over."

 Kai stared.

 "Weird," Church said with a shrug, "so how'd you manage to turn off the doubling thing for Wyoming's unit?"

 "What? What doubling thing?" Simmons said, confused.

 "Well I just assumed, since you guys seem to know more about time travel than me," he said, "but when I was time traveling back when we were dealing with O'Mally, every time I traveled there was one more of me!"

 "We, uh.. we didn't know that." Simmons squeaked, pointing behind Church and the others, "but that would've been some useful information to have!"

 Church turned around slowly, looking out over the sea of Agent Wyomings that were piling out of the base.

 "Oh shit."

 Grif groaned, "We are completely fucked."

 The Wyoming at the front of the mob chuckled, "Well, this is quite the turn of events, isn't it?"

 " _ **YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, JACKASS!"**_ A voice echoed around the canyon.

 The hood of the Warthog bent downward, accompanied by a loud thump as if something heavy had landed on it, before a soldier in teal armor seemed to fade into existence out of thin air.

 "Tucker!!" Caboose cheered.

 Tucker chuckled, her voice sounded like two people speaking slightly out of sync with each other,  _ **"You're half right buddy."**_

 "Wait a second,  _Tex!?"_ Church yelled.

 Tucker/Tex cracked their knuckles before pulling out their sword and locking into a battle stance.

  _ **"What was that Grif said?"**_ they said, a smirk visible in their voice,  _ **"You are completely fucked."**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I made too many of these chapters cliffhangers?
> 
> Naaaaaahhhhhhhh
> 
> Twitter @plethoraofbeans
> 
> Please share your thoughts in the comments, or spelling errors


	9. Note

Note; so I ain't gonna be updating for a while, (shocking I know) the fact is I've been trying to write a badass fight scene and what I've learned is...

 

I fuckin _**suck**_.

So I'm taking some time to educate myself on some things I think will help and it ain't gonna happen overnight.

I'm not abandoning this fic, so if you see me posting other stories please don't spam me about this one _, I am_ still working on it.

Thx

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go


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